My Complicated Relationship with Running

My Complicated Relationship with Running

I've been running for a long time, and I've learned that it's a complicated relationship. It’s a mix of highs and lows, victories and defeats, and it’s never as simple as just putting one foot in front of the other. The culmination of this complex journey was finishing my tenth Leadville Trail 100 run this past August. It was a milestone that capped off 1,000 miles in this legendary race, but the journey to get there wasn't always smooth and neuther has been the last 12 months.

Navigating Setbacks

This year was my 12th time starting the Leadville 100. I've had two DNF's (Did Not Finish) in the past, so I’m no stranger to the feeling of defeat. At the 2024 race, with the nineth finish on the line, the pressure was even greater. At mile 45, at the top of Hope Pass, I questioned whether I could even finish. My right Achilles flared up, hot and angry, a result of the stress from the climb. While I could push through on the downhills and flatter sections, it wasn't an impressive performance. But I got it done.

The injury became a recurring theme. In October 2024, I started the Moab 240, a race I’d successfully completed twice before, but pulled myself off the course at mile 70. The pain in my Achilles was too much to bear for another 180 miles. A visit to the doctors revealed a Haglund’s Deformity on the back of my right heel. I tried physical therapy, strength training, and even a cortisone shot to manage the bursitis. The treatments helped, but my Achilles is still not 100%. Some days it’s irritated by simple everyday life; on others, it’s undetectable.

My struggles continued into 2025. In early June, I traveled to Virginia for the Old Dominion 100 but had to drop out at mile 87, having simply run out of time to finish. I deferred my Vermont 100 entry to next year to focus all my energy on training for Leadville.

Conquering the Doubt

On the morning of the 2025 Leadville 100, at 4 a.m., I stood at the starting line, staring down a race resume where I hadn't successfully competed in a full year. The weight of that fact was heavy. I was battling thoughts of not being ready, not having trained enough, and even dealing with imposter syndrome. It’s amazing that even after finishing over a dozen 100+ mile races, my mind can still doubt itself.

But I used those doubts as fuel throughout the race. I reminded myself of the work I had put in and the sacrifices I had made. I recalled the hardest training days to find the strength I needed in the toughest moments of the race. I have nine other finishes at "The Race Across the Sky" to prove I was not an imposter.

And this time, I was able to turn my misfortune around and get the finish I so desperately wanted. I'm not sure how I would have handled another DNF, and I'm grateful I don't have to find out.

Now, I'm taking a break from my own intense racing to help coach the local high school team, getting them ready for their 5K races this fall. I'm also reassessing my own race calendar, looking for the next big challenge. The relationship with running will always be complicated, but as I’ve learned, the journey through the setbacks is what makes the victories so much sweeter.