A few weeks ago, I received the email that’s going to define the next chapter of my life: an acceptance letter to ASU Online. I’m officially enrolled in the College of Integrative Science and Arts (CISA) to pursue my degree in Sports and Performance Psychology.
The excitement was immediate. This program is the missing puzzle piece for my work in coaching, and I couldn't wait to share the news.
When I told a good friend, their immediate, enthusiastic response was, "That’s amazing! Good for you for going back to school!"
I smiled and thanked them, but the phrase stuck in my head for days afterward. "Going back."
It’s a natural thing to say when a 51-year-old enrolls in college. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized why that phrase felt slightly ill-fitting for me.
To "go back" implies you are returning to a familiar state or continuing something you left unfinished. But if I’m being totally honest with myself, I don’t feel like I’m returning to anything.
I feel like I am starting school for the very first time.
The Detours
My relationship with formal education has been… complicated. I was a good student early on, until middle school hit, and with it, terminal boredom.
Freshman year brought a massive opportunity that turned into a massive detour. I earned a free ride scholarship to run track for Pope John XXIII in Sparta, New Jersey. It was an incredible offer, but the logistics were brutal. The commute was over an hour each way. I was spending my life in a car.
By January of that year, burnt out from the travel, I transferred back to my local public high school. That move proved disastrous academically. Due to a lack of transferable credits, I finished a half-assed remainder of the school year only to be told I had to repeat Freshman year.
I was done. The frustration of being left back, combined with a spiraling addiction that dominated my teenage years, meant school wasn't just on the back burner; it was off the stove entirely. My "classrooms" became court-ordered treatment centers.
The Escape Hatch vs. The Entrance
By age 17, I knew I needed a way out of the system. I went to the local community college, sat for the exams, and passed my GED. A State of New Jersey High School Diploma arrived in the mail a few weeks later.
I am proud of that 17-year-old kid for doing what needed to be done. But let’s be clear: that GED wasn't the culmination of an education. It was an escape hatch. It was a piece of paper that allowed me to move on with adult life without having to step foot in a high school again.
I didn't learn how to study. I didn't learn how to research. I didn't experience the discipline of academia. I just survived it.
The New Norm at 51
That is why I tell this story. When people hear I’m entering university at 51, they assume it’s a "return."
But this time, it’s different. This isn't mandatory. No courts are ordering it, and no parents are pushing it.
I am choosing this. I am choosing ASU. And most importantly, I am choosing Sports and Performance Psychology because I am deeply passionate about the mental mechanics of athletes and how I can better serve them in my coaching capacity.
I am entering this experience with a clarity and purpose I couldn't possibly have had thirty years ago.
So, this is the new norm for the next few years. Homework, reading, deadlines, and learning. I am excited to finally be a student, not because I have to be, but because I want to be.
Class is in session.